


Colors

by peachbbh



Series: EXO'rdium [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Domestic Violence, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Romance, Sad Ending, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-25 03:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12521504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbbh/pseuds/peachbbh
Summary: Oh Jongin, I hope you are happy. My art, my muse, my love....





	Colors

**Author's Note:**

> This is my work from AFF. I don't like constructive criticism so try not to be too harsh. This is probably really bad! This one-shot was inspired by the song Crazy Girl by Bohyung from the girl group Spica.

A different person is in front of me  
with an unfamiliar face, I’ve seen for the first time  
As if I’m a strange person,  
he is staring at me  
I couldn’t say anything,  
I couldn’t even lift my head  
For coming to see you like this  
I just hated myself so much...

I stood outside your door. I had no right coming back to you. The officer knocked. I took a step in front of him. The door opened. You looked so different. The blonde hair you wore so beautifully was gone. When did you do that? You were looking at us as strangers. I deserve that. I put my head down. I can't look you in the eyes. I took a step back. I shouldn't show up like this. You still hate me don't you Jongin? You hate me for breaking your heart.

Pink

Remember our first day of college? You wore a pink sweater and white shorts. Your hair was pink too. I hated Pink but somehow you made that color likable. Oh, Jongin anything looked good on you. We were high school sweethearts, been together since 9th grade. We met during art class. You spilled the bright pink paint all over my white shoes. I guess Pink will always hold a place in my heart. You asked me to be your girlfriend on Valentine's day. It was the happiest day of my life Jongin. I swear. And from then on you made me feel so good every single day. You treated me like your world. 

Blue

Light blue was the sky we laid under the first time you said the words to me.  
"I love you Narae." You said smiling at me. I turned and rubbed your face before breaking out in tears. You pulled me close.  
"I love you too Jongin," I said wiping my tears. You made sure to tell me how much you love me every day. You showed me how much you loved me every day. Oh, Jongin if I could go back in time I would never betray you. I would never in my life hurt you the way I did. Take me back Jongin, please. It was too late though. You hated me. You told me that.

Lavender 

Lavender was the color of my room. You helped me paint it at the end of 10th grade. Both of us were artists. The room was supposed to have more drawings but we got too lazy. We shared many memories in that room. Our first time. I could replay that moment forever. You kissed and adorned every inch of my body with your love. My parents claimed we were so young how could we understand love. We didn't care. I was wrapped around your finger just as you were around mine. Oh, my Jongin what I would give to be wrapped around your finger now.

Brown

The leaves were turning brown the day we started applying for Uni. We were in your backyard playing with your dogs. At the same time, we sent our applications. You turned to me and kissed my lips.  
"Good luck baby." You deepened the kiss. I wrapped my arms around your neck. Senior year was the best year of our lives. We were voted most likely to succeed. What a joke for me. I failed. I failed myself, but most importantly I failed you. Kim Jongin, I'm sorry for failing you. I wish senior year lasted all our lives. I'm so sorry.

Clear

Blood is thicker than water they say. After moving into our dorms we met your cousin. Kim Junmyeon. He had blonde hair, a grey t-shirt, and black jeans. He tilted his shades down biting his lip.  
"So this is her?" He said to you.  You smiled and kissed my hand nodding with excitement. Junmyeon kissed my hand.  
"Nice to meet you beautiful." He said on the back of my hand. I took my hand away blushing. From that day on Junmyeon made advances to me behind your back. I never shut them down. Why? I felt attracted to him. I'm sorry. I'm crazy. I had everything I needed from you, so why was I into Junmyeon? He was 3 years older than us a Jr. at our Uni. He was such a charmer. I found myself always with him without you. The second semester he kissed me. I crawled onto his lap and kissed him more. His hand roamed my body I moaned into his mouth.  
"Narae,you're so fucking perfect." He whispered. That was the first night I cheated on you Jongin. It continued for a year. I'm selfish, crazy, and disgusting. I deserve your hate. You knew what we were doing. Junmyeon didn't even try to hide it after a while. He would fondle me in front of you. I would slap him away playfully. But what I had with Junmyeon was clear as day. Betrayal and lust.

I’m a crazy girl   
I’m a crazy girl  
Who used to only know me and give love to me  
What did I do to you  
I’m a crazy girl   
I’m a crazy girl  
I coldly left you,  
who was so kind, I’m a crazy girl

Red

When you think of love what color comes to mind Jongin? Red. Lust? The answer is red again. How can people tell the difference between the two? I loved you. You loved me. How was a complete stranger able to break me away from you. Did I love him?   
"Do you love me?" Junmyeon asked. I turned over and smiled bringing the sheet up. I kissed his neck.  
"I do love you," I said. Junmyeon pulled me closer to him.  
"Break up with Jongin and move in with me." He said. I sat up now.  
"Junnie."  
"Please baby. I'm tired of hiding us. I want to take you out. Show you off. You're mine and only mine. Not Jongin's." He said. I nodded. He was right. You stood in the living room with tears in your eyes. I closed mine as tears fell. I heard you hit the ground hard.  
"Narae what did I do? Why am I not good enough." You screamed. I opened my eyes. You were on your knees head down. Was it Love or Lust? You looked up at me so broken.  
"Kyungsoo is going to pick up the rest of my stuff with Junmyeon so don't worry," I said turning around. I felt your hand on my ankle.  
"Please don't leave me. I'll change. I'll become the man you always wanted, please. I'm begging you Narae." You cried. I shook my ankle away. You started sobbing loudly. I placed my hand on the door.  
"Please Narae! Please! Don't do this. I love you." You shouted. I walked out the door with a slam. I ran away from your door. You came out ready to chase me but Sehun grabbed you. You broke down in his arms. Oh, my Jongin I wish I could replace those tears you cried for me all those weeks. Sehun told me how broken you were. You and Junmyeon got into a fight when he came to pick up my things. I sat on Junmyeon's lap icing his busted lip. He rubbed my hips. His hand touched my face and wiped my falling tears.  
"It doesn't hurt, baby." He said. I leaned down crying in his arms. I was crying for you Jongin. My Jongin I cried for you. What's the difference between lust and love, Jongin?

I thought he would be better  
than you, because he had more  
A woman can’t live with just love,  
that is what I believed

Green

Envy. You envied him. Junmyeon pulled me onto his lap and kissed my neck. I smiled and hit his chest. You were sitting a few tables away. I caught your glance but looked away. Junmyeon went on to graduate. I moved off campus and in with him. While in the library, you came and sat next to me. It had been a year already. I looked up.  
"Narae can we talk?" You asked. I nodded.  
"Please come back to me. Junmyeon is no good." You said. We stared at each other.  
"Jongin just stop. I'm happy. You should want me happy don't be fucking selfish." I spat grabbing my books. You reached out to me. I snatched away.  
"Leave me alone!" I shouted. All heads turned to me. I apologized and rushed out. I just noticed your blonde hair. After that, you stayed away from me. Sehun said you had a new girlfriend. Krystal, I think it was. She was pretty but she wasn't me. I guess I was envious as well. Oh Jongin, I wish I would have stayed with you. I wish you would have grabbed me again. I wish I would have listened, I could see the warning signs so why didn't I pay attention. Oh, Jongin save me right here please before we go further! Kim Jongin please save me!

Anything I say will be useless  
because you already turned away  
For being like this in front of you,  
I will look pathetic.

Nude

I stared in the mirror looking at my reflection. Park Narae. Or what was left of her. I licked over my bruised bottom lip and placed the concealer back in my make up bag. I took one last look before leaving the bathroom. Junmyeon was sitting at the table working on some files. He had gotten a really good job in the city working for some company. His art would have to wait. Most of the time he seemed really stressed out.  
"I'm off to classes. I'll be back late so don't worry." I said. He looked up at me. Bags running heavily under his eyes. He tossed his messy brown hair and chuckled. I could see the colors on his knuckles.  
"I'll pick you up." He said standing going to get another cup of coffee. You always hated coffee Jongin. I remember you gave me such an attitude because I bought it for you when we got stuck in the snow storm 10th-grade year. I shook my head. Why was I thinking of you at this time? I didn't notice Junmyeon was standing in front of me until he lifted my chin. He was in his PJ bottoms and shirtless. He turned my face left and back to the right.  
"Put more make up on the left side next time." He stated before walking away. My heart sunk.  
"Next time?" I spoke softly. He sat down again.  
"You know what I meant sweetheart," Junmyeon said with his charming smile. I nodded and grabbed my bag. On campus, I kept to myself. Junmyeon cut me off from a lot of people. I didn't have many friends anymore. I never had time. I went through classes like nothing. The real reason for me staying behind was you. Oh Jongin, I needed you more than anything.  I waited for you after class. You waved bye to your friends and walked to your car. It was white.  
"Jongin" I called after you. You stopped but didn't turn around. I touched your back and you jerk away from me like I was a disease.  
"What do you want?" You spat glaring down at me. I took a step back. Right. How dare I face you now? I put you through hell. I was scared to speak. I was so scared. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I wanted to scream help me. Help me Jongin! He's beating me! Please help me. But I stood there like a child scared.  
"Stay out of my fucking life. You ruined it. I don't want you to ever appear in front of me again! Do you know how many nights I spent crying over you! How many times I thought I was the piece of shit. That I wasn't good enough. You ruined my self-esteem. I felt so fucking low. I failed classes. I couldn't...I couldn't be in this world without you by my side. I thought it was over for me. I blamed myself. Then I finally woke. You! It's you. You're the piece of shit. You're the whore that ruined what we had. I have nothing to feel bad about. So whatever you have to say. Save it. I hate you Narae. I hate you so fucking much you." You spat turning away and getting in your car. People were staring at me. I felt exposed. I felt nude. I covered myself and put my head down as you sped off. I'm pathetic Jongin. I deserve whatever happens to me. 

Black and Blue

He shoved me against the wall wrapping his hand around my throat. Junmyeon was drunk again. I cried as his grip tightened. He started knocking my head off the wall leaving dents next to the older ones. He let go and my body slumped to the ground. He started pacing.  
"I fucking work all day! I shouldn't have to come home to your bullshit!" He screamed kicking me in the stomach. I turned over and began to cough up. He yanked me up by my hair dragging me to the bedroom. I kicked and screamed. No one would come help me. Not one person, Jongin. Our neighbors pretended like nothing was going on. Just as I did. That might have been the worse beating. I had to stay out of school that week. Did you notice I was gone? Did you care? You didn't care Jongin. You told me. You hated me. I jumped as the ice came in contact with the bruising on my ribs. It was Saturday night. I was trying to get some of these bruises hidden so I could go back to school Monday. Junmyeon came in the house. Drunk. I pushed my chair back. He untied his tie and stumbled into the kitchen. He threw his case to the floor.  
"I got fired. Can you believe this?" He yelled. I shook my head. I was too scared to move suddenly. Junmyeon stood behind me. He bent down looking at my latest painting. It was a person. Their face was not done....Jongin it was you. I felt the silk of Junmyeon's tie around my neck. He kissed my face.  
"Who is this?" He asked. I shrugged, Wrong answer. I was being choked by the tie. He yanked me out of the chair onto the floor. His fist connecting with the left side of my face. blood was splattered onto the black tiles of our small city apartment. Another swing. He then started strangling me with the tie.  
"Stop! Thinking about him! Jongin hates you. I love you! Stop it!" He screamed. The world was turning black. I couldn't breathe. Oh, Jongin save me, please. Oh God, someone save me. Junmyeon let go he stumbled to his feet stepping on my hand. I laid there. My face sore, my throat burning. The black and blue would be hard to hide on my face. Jongin I hope you would never have to see me black and blue.

Where did it go wrong?  
I don’t even deserve to resent you  
I’m that kind of girl  
I won’t look for you ever again,  
erase me from your memory today

Grey

It was a gray rainy Nov. day. I sat at the police station shivering. Not because I was cold. I was scared. I was so scared Jongin. I couldn't take the beatings anymore. Junmyeon would cry and say how sorry he was. I forgave him. I did all those times. I was pregnant. He caused the miscarriage. He punched me so many times in the stomach I couldn't eat properly for weeks. The officer asked if I had anyone I could stay with. You know I thought f you....But then I put my head down shaking my head. You hate me. You would probably think I deserve this. I do deserve this. I told the officer I wanted to go get close from home. He let me. I went home to pack some things. I would stay with an old friend. I thought Jongin. I really thought.

Orange

The cop took off his hat. I smiled at him. Officer Byun. Jongin you stood there with an orange sweatshirt on. I told you, you looked good in anything. I wiped the smile off my face. You placed your hands on your hips eyes roaming. I didn't want you to look at me. I don't deserve it. I shouldn't have come here. Officer Byun started talking. You rubbed your head. I took a step back I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry Jongin. Please forget about me now Jongin, please. I don't deserve a memory in your mind. Officer Byun grabbed you as you collapsed to the ground.  
"No, please don't tell me that." You said.  
"I'm sorry for your loss." Officer Byun said. You stumbled to your feet. I followed you. Don't Jongin. Don't go to me please Jongin! Don't. But you went. You went to the crime scene begging them to let you through. You said you were family. Which is true. So they let you go. Someone had to identify the bodies. They removed the orange tarp. Junmyeon. You nodded and they removed the next one and you dropped to your knees. Once again I brought you Jongin down to your knees. I bent down next to you. I could see your jaw clenching. You pulled out your phone and went to the call list. At the top was my number. I called you last night. I knew you weren't going to pick up. You hate me. Oh, Jongin please forget me. Please, Jongin you don't deserve this pain. I'm so sorry my Jongin.

Red

Love or Lust? Did love or lust bring me here today? Love makes you think of the color Red. Lust makes you think of the color Red.....But something much deeper much darker. Death makes you think of red. the blood, the agony. I started throwing clothes into the bag. I heard the front door slam. Junmyeon wasn't supposed to be home yet. The bedroom door opened.  
"You're trying to leave me again?" He asked.  
"Junnie, I can't do this anymore," I said taking a step back.  
"After everything, I did for you. I love you. I gave you a home." He said walking to me. He slammed me hard into the wall knocking the photos down.  
"No! Hell no!" He screamed pushing me. My head hit the side of the dresser. I held it and tried to run for the bed. He yanked me back by my legs. I saw the red in my hands. My head was bleeding. I kicked him off and ran out the room. I ran into the bathroom. I pulled out my phone. One would think to call the police. I called you.  
"Please Jongin just this once." I cried out holding my head. Junmyeon started banging on the door.  
"Open the door!" He shouted. I pressed the red button. I wasn't expecting you to pick up. I tried again. You must have been pressing the red button. The door broke. I climbed into the tub.  
"Junnie please." I cried. He dragged me out and back to the room. I tried to stand up and run but he grabbed me by my Pink hoodie throwing me to the floor and kicking me over and over. He started pacing again. I turned to my side grabbing the Light Blue sheets from our bed. My rib was broken. I'm sure. I can feel it. I tried to pick myself up but fell back down. Everything was spinning. I laid my head on the bed. I looked up at the Lavender ceiling. Memories of you flooding my mind. Junmyeon became upset and yanked me by my Brown locks by now they were soaked. He threw me back on the floor. Tears were coming out streaming down my dirty face. Clear as day. I lifted my hand the Scarlet liquid was all around me. His fist knocked me so hard in my face I'm sure my nose was broken. I grabbed onto his Green shirt. Crying, begging him to stop his attack. There was no amount of Nude makeup to cover this up. His fist hit me again and my left eye went completely Black. I can already see the Blue bruises on my body tomorrow. The Gray carpet under me had to be such a mess.I started to choke. I turned to my side looking at his Orange phone on the ground. I wish I could reach and call for help now. Red, so much red fell out my mouth. Junmyeon left the room. I stumbled to my feet touching the wall trying to go out the room. I was leaving a trail of the very dark liquid. I collapsed in the doorway. It was getting so hard to breathe. I laid there face down closing my eyes welcome my red bath, welcoming my death. My rib pierced my lungs. I would be gone soon. I could hear my heart beat slow down.The pain was slowly going away. Thump Thump.....Thump...Thu... I'm sorry Jongin. I'm so sorry.

Hey baby, I’m sorry  
that I came to you after all this time  
Hey baby, forgive me  
for showing you such an ugly side of me

I’m a crazy girl,  
I’m a crazy girl  
Who used to only know me and give love to me...

Yellow

My favorite color. You said I looked the prettiest in it too. Do I look pretty in it now Jongin? Do I look pretty in my yellow and white dress in my casket? You'll never like the color yellow again. As an artist, you have to love all the colors. The ones that remind you of the good and bad. Lavender all the way to Red. You have to Jongin. For me, you have to. You cried through the whole funeral. You didn't attend Junmyeon's. You brought me yellow roses. in fact, every year on my birthday you brought them to my grave. Yellow was a happy color. I hope you are happy now Jongin. You deserve it. Every time you came to visit you brought me a new kind of yellow flower. My birthday, my death date, our anniversary and even your birthday. Oh Jongin, I hope you are happy. My muse, my art, my love...


End file.
